Where does the time go? I use this expression
to both refer to the whirlwind of the first two years of my son’s life – and also
the fact that I’m sitting down to write his two year blog about two months
late. Yikes! Suddenly it makes perfect sense why my parents saw zero TV shows
during the 1980s. Raising kids takes up all your time!
But as we hit the two year mark, it
seems like an appropriate time to look back – to do a retrospective of sorts,
of the entire “baby experience”. Don’t get me wrong – I know there are many,
MANY years of child rearing ahead of me – but this blog started out as
“man-vs-baby”, a look at how having a baby changes one’s life. So what have I
learned over the past two years?
Love. Ironically,
in my first ever man-vs-baby blog post, I talked about how I was looking
forward to teaching my child about unconditional love (you know, the kind of
love one has for Cincinnati professional sports teams even though they
perennially crush hearts and dreams). However, more than anything else, having
a child truly shows you what unconditional love really is. .People can talk
about loving food, their friends, family, heck – even their spouse. But in some
aspects, those are easy. You are able to love them while still retaining some independence
and ability to do what you want. A baby comes into your life and takes away some
of those things that you previously held so dear and encroaches on the majority
of those independent activities. Remember the good old days of being able to
read the newspaper at breakfast and have a leisurely meal? Gone. Remember being
able to spend a lazy Saturday on the couch watching football and drinking beer all
day? Gone. Clean cars and clothes? Gone. If one of your friends started dating
someone who immediately impeded their ability to do all the things that they
loved, you would call it a horrible, one-sided relationship, and one that was doomed
to fail. Yet this is exactly what happens with a baby. It’s like marrying an
uber-controlling chick who mandates how you spend nearly every minute of your
day… yet you still love her more than anything in the world.
It’s crazy when you think about it. I
remember before I had a baby, people would tell me all sorts of stories about
how much your life would change… and thinking to myself, “this sounds
horrible”. But they’d always finish the stories by saying something like “yeah,
but it’s totally worth it”. I never understood that – and I don’t think anyone
can understand it until it happens to them. But it’s totally true. What makes
it “worth” giving up so many things that you thought previously defined you?
I’m not sure if it’s a sense of
obligation (since you brought this life into the world and feel a sense of responsibility
towards it), a desire to impart all the wisdom and life lessons that you’ve
gained to someone else (allowing you to impact the future), or the feeling of
pride and accomplishment of watching your baby grow – but in the end, it all
boils down to the same thing. You would do absolutely anything for this other
human being, even if they (literally) crap on everything you used to hold dear.
While you still fundamentally remain
the same person you were pre-baby, having a baby gives you a new sense of
purpose in life and in some aspects re-defines you. The weird thing is, when
you suddenly see this new purpose and responsibility in life, it makes a lot of
the old ones seem less important in comparison. The happiness you gain from
seeing your baby walk for the first time, or say their first word is far
greater than any joy that you got from those things in your life that the baby
may have taken away. If you asked me to name the highlight of this year so far,
Jackson doing the “Go Dayton Flyers” cheer on his own would be towards the top
of the list. It’s that amazing.
Hmmm – I guess when you put it like
that, maybe it’s not such an unconditional love. In the end, you do get
something back in return. Maybe it’s more like a long-term investment. You put
in a lot of energy and hours that don’t immediately pay off. I’ve said it
before and I’ll say it again – babies aren’t really that fun. Babies are for
girls because they get to cuddle them, dress them up, and… well, treat them
like babies. Toddlers are for boys – bringing the kind of entertainment that
can only come from a miniature person saying “go away D” instead of “Go UD”. They
come back to you slowly over the years, in little moments and big events that
make you forget about all the things you sacrifice along the way.
Unique.
The other big thing I’ve learned is that parents can’t pick their children –
and that’s a very good thing. What do I mean by this? Some of Jackson’s
favorite things in the world are trucks, diggers, and construction equipment.
All things that KB and I care exactly zero about – and didn’t care about when
we were kids. This has both educated us (turns out that diggers are really
called things like “front end loaders” and “backhoes”) and introduced all sorts
of new toys into the household to play with. I know there are all sorts of
debate about nature vs. nurture out there – but Jackson came out of the womb
loving this stuff through zero intervention from the outside world. Your first
reaction might be – “who is this kid? Why doesn’t he like the same things I
like? Does the mailman like diggers?” But the more I think about it, the more
interesting it makes life. How boring things would be if Jackson grew up loving
Dave Matthews Band and watched TV shows from the 1980s. We would constantly be
arguing about setlists and which Transformer is the best – and of course I
would be right and he would be wrong, which would be crushing to his
self-esteem.
By default, having kids broadens
your horizons. You find yourself spending time at any local park you can find,
the zoo on any nice weekend (along with every other parent in a 100 mile
radius) and what restaurants can get food on the table within 5 minutes of
placing an order (thank you Skyline). But through Jackson, I’ve also learned so
much about all modes of transportation, construction equipment, and the joys
associated with pretending there are bugs hiding under our couch… which he then
pretends to eat.
Don’t get me wrong – as mentioned earlier,
I do my best to influence him in life. There’s a reason he knows the UD cheer,
calls football and basketball “Daddy’s Game”, and enjoys Skyline chili. But the
fact that he is his own independent little person with his own interests and
priorities is pretty cool. It’s also what is completely terrifying about having
a kid. No matter what you might do, they might turn out to be moody, stubborn,
or listen to Nickelback. You can do as much as you can as a parent to mold them
in your self-image, but there is only so much you can do.
The Truth.
On my first blog post, I mentioned the “big three” in the American Dream –
getting married, getting a house, and having babies. I mentioned how society
deems all three as completely worthwhile endeavors and all things that people
should try in life. I was 100% on board with getting married and 100% against
home ownership, but was unsure about having a child – and promised that I would
provide you the truth on this blog. So with two years under my belt, what does
the survey say?
Turns out kids are awesome.
I’m not
saying this because I have a child and want everyone else to feel my pain.
I’m not
saying this to trick myself into thinking it’s great and I made a smart
decision.
At the
end of the day, my life is better with Jackson in it, plain and simple. He
brings me happiness, purpose, and entertainment. He’s a lot of work, but even
after two years, the payout has exceeded the investment – and that’s all you
can ask for any gamble, right?
In
fact, I like it so much that I think I’m going to go another round – or as
Jackson would put it “more again”. Yep, we’re taking this American Dream to the
next level by adding Baby #2 – coming this summer!
I feel
like it’s only fair to get a Blog or two up prior to this child’s arrival, so
that it doesn’t appear like I’m playing favorites – but to be honest, it seems
like a much less dramatic life change than the first child presented. Maybe it’s
because we have no time to think (or worry) about it, or maybe it’s because
society has much less “structure” around a second child (no showers, no people
constantly asking “are you ready!?”, no unrequested advice about parenting from
family, friends, and strangers), but it’s almost like a normal event at this point,
rather than something that is going to fundamentally change everything we know.
Now
that I have effectively jinxed myself into having a devil child that will
exhaust me beyond belief and strip away the brief minutes of independent
freedom I still have in my life, I’ll close out this Blog. Consider this the
end of the “Jackson Only Posts”. Monk, you’ve had a good run – thousands upon
thousands of words solely dedicated to you and you alone. Your future brother /
sister will not be so lucky, so this will be something you can hold over his /
her head for the rest of your lives if you ever want to claim that you are the
favorite. But that’s not true (well, it could be true if they turn out to be a
devil child) – you were just the first. That’s super special, and I love you
for it – you were basically the best first child anyone could ever ask for - but
you came into our lives in a time when I still had some free time and need to
document the overall “baby experience”.
From
here on out, it becomes the “two child experience”. Goodbye month-to-month
thoughts, hello broad experience posts and complaints. It’s man-vs-baby 2.0!
The exciting and terrifying future awaits!
